So, blog post numero 3 and I'm going to talk about a very big, and troubling issue I've been dealing with for a few years. In May 2012 I was diagnosed with depression. Not many people know about it, and apparently I'm really good at hiding it, but I don't want to hide it anymore. I don't want pity for it, I'm not going to let it define me, but it is a part of me.
For those of you who don't know what it's like imagine this:
You are stuck. Falling into a never ending black hole. You can't see anything. You can't feel anything. It never ends. It's keeps building and building, and you expect to crash any second but it never happens. At first you're really scared, but over your fear just consumes you and you live everyday unable to do anything. You live just waiting for the crash that never happens.
I lived with that black hole for 2 years, and it continued to grow worse and worse until one day I cracked and every unfelt emotion came out verbally to my parents. My lack of caring about anything, school, friends, family. Nothing mattered to me, the only time I felt that my mile per second was starting to slow down, was at church.
When I was at church, I wasn't 100% and I still felt like I was falling, but at church, it felt like I had a parachute on, I knew it was there, but for some reason I never deployed it.
So I was brought to a doctor, who gave me anti-depressants.
Imagine the scenario above, but now the lights are on. Great, at least it's a bit better, right? (don't get me wrong, the anti-depressants do help a ton!)
Now I still hadn't realized that I had this parachute on, but in the light it became a lot easier to see. I found different people encouraging me to continue going to church, I started volunteering at church, ushering, and working in the nursery, it made me realize how good God was. How he would never put me through anything I couldn't handle.
Like perhaps falling, for example!
I remember one day, just feeling wonderful, and it was kind of a wow-moment. I had realized that I had this parachute the whole time. I was never free falling, I always had a parachute, and that parachute was going to let me down gently when I needed it.
I'm still falling, but I've learned to enjoy the ride, and when it's time, that parachute is there for me to open.
"So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."
Isaiah 41:10
*******If you think you may be suffering from depression I STRONGLY encourage you to talk to someone about it, talk to your parents or doctor or pastor, get medication (legally of corse) for it and also ask people for prayers. You are so loved!!!!!
God Bless!
Victoria.
Tuesday, November 5, 2013
Tuesday, October 22, 2013
Overcoming the Evil Within.
The other day I found myself in a situation I didn't want to be in. I had a group of friends asking me to send hate mail to someone that had wronged one of my friends. This notion made me really uncomfortable, and upon reading their comments I found myself doubting myself and my choice in friends. They say that in life our choices define us and I was scared that I had made the wrong choices, that I was one of them. When I told my friend I wouldn't she replied with 'yo bro, you're mean to people all the time.. Like actually.'
And she was right.
I can be really nasty at times, and as much as I would love to spew out excuse after excuse for my actions, I've recently learned that there is no excuse for treating people poorly. 'For we are all sinners and have all fallen short of the glory of God.' I can't justify treating someone poorly for a mistake they made, because we've all made mistakes. In God's eyes, we're all sinners, I'm no better a person because my mistakes aren't as 'bad' (in world's view) as other's. If there wasn't forgiveness in the world, we would be our own self destruction, a world fuelled by hate and jealousy. I don't want to be someone that contributes to that world.
So I decided to do something about it.
One act of kindness can change someone's day. And that day, can change someone's life.
So there I was, at 10:00 at night. Half asleep and full of inner conflict. I opened up my Facebook account and went to my friends list. I started at the top and made my way down. Each name, I clicked and wrote a message too, a short blurb, just saying what I loved about that person. Even if I hadn't spoken to them in years, or if we just barley knew each other, I did it to person after person, and with each message I found that inner conflict slowly diminishing. I felt better and better with each message, because while I do get frustrated with people, I don't want to let that stop me from loving them.
Then I hit one of the 'friends' that asked me to send the hate mail. I thought for a second, 'I don't want to do theirs, they don't deserve one after being such a bully. God spoke to me, just as I finished that thought.
'Arn't you doing what they did? Withholding love because of their actions. I have called you to be someone that loves everyone.' Then he brought me to Romans 12:17-19 'Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: "It is mine to avenge; I will repay" says the Lord.' Then I looked at the Romans 12:21. A line that I hold very near to my heart and one that I've been trying to live by. 'Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.'
There was my mistake. So as soon as I read that I thought about everything that I did still love about those people. And I told them.
I managed to do 50 people. 50 people, and I had multiple people message me saying things along the lines of 'wow, I really needed that spot of encouragement! Thanks! You made my whole day!' Over the next couple days, I hope to finish off my 200+ friends list. because I do truly love something about each one of them.
So I leave you with this. The best way to overcome the Devil inside is to work for God. Spread his love, and the Devil won't be able to touch you.
God Bless.
Victoria.
And she was right.
I can be really nasty at times, and as much as I would love to spew out excuse after excuse for my actions, I've recently learned that there is no excuse for treating people poorly. 'For we are all sinners and have all fallen short of the glory of God.' I can't justify treating someone poorly for a mistake they made, because we've all made mistakes. In God's eyes, we're all sinners, I'm no better a person because my mistakes aren't as 'bad' (in world's view) as other's. If there wasn't forgiveness in the world, we would be our own self destruction, a world fuelled by hate and jealousy. I don't want to be someone that contributes to that world.
So I decided to do something about it.
One act of kindness can change someone's day. And that day, can change someone's life.
So there I was, at 10:00 at night. Half asleep and full of inner conflict. I opened up my Facebook account and went to my friends list. I started at the top and made my way down. Each name, I clicked and wrote a message too, a short blurb, just saying what I loved about that person. Even if I hadn't spoken to them in years, or if we just barley knew each other, I did it to person after person, and with each message I found that inner conflict slowly diminishing. I felt better and better with each message, because while I do get frustrated with people, I don't want to let that stop me from loving them.
Then I hit one of the 'friends' that asked me to send the hate mail. I thought for a second, 'I don't want to do theirs, they don't deserve one after being such a bully. God spoke to me, just as I finished that thought.
'Arn't you doing what they did? Withholding love because of their actions. I have called you to be someone that loves everyone.' Then he brought me to Romans 12:17-19 'Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: "It is mine to avenge; I will repay" says the Lord.' Then I looked at the Romans 12:21. A line that I hold very near to my heart and one that I've been trying to live by. 'Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.'
There was my mistake. So as soon as I read that I thought about everything that I did still love about those people. And I told them.
I managed to do 50 people. 50 people, and I had multiple people message me saying things along the lines of 'wow, I really needed that spot of encouragement! Thanks! You made my whole day!' Over the next couple days, I hope to finish off my 200+ friends list. because I do truly love something about each one of them.
So I leave you with this. The best way to overcome the Devil inside is to work for God. Spread his love, and the Devil won't be able to touch you.
God Bless.
Victoria.
Sunday, October 20, 2013
The Ontological Argument
What a week.
Every day I find new and interesting ways in which God continues to teach me and help me learn and grow. In philosophy last week my Professor put forth the argument of God. It's a simple argument, but I feel like everyone, myself included, felt as if there was something missing to the argument.
Now you should know, that as far as I know, there are very few, if any Christians in that class. So I thought for sure, we were going to be discussing something right up my alley, that this would be my moment where I could hear my professor challenge my God and I could be the hero that stands up and proves his love.
That is not what happened.
The argument goes like this:
God is that than which none greater can be conceived,
It is greater to exist in reality than in theory.Therefore God must exist right?
That was the whole argument, and 10 minutes passed in silence once it was presented, because no one could think of what to say. And even though it was PROVING the existence of God, something seemed so wrong about it.
So I prayed about it and I think I finally worked out what didn't sit right with me.
This argument proves the existence of God. But it doesn't prove what God is, Love. This is an scientific form of God. It makes him seem black and white, yes or no, but he's not. What I heard was basically the same as someone telling me 'You have blonde hair.' or 'Dogs are real animals.' You're explaining something that is so obvious to me, but you aren't telling me anything about it. You told me WHAT God is, but not WHO he is.
Because God is a loving father. He is perfect, he is my Saviour and True Love. He is the Creator of me and this world. He loves, he creates, he builds.
He doesn't just exist. He makes other things exist.
So I leave you with this:1 John 4:7,8
Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.
God isn't just something that is, he is someone who LOVES.
Every day I find new and interesting ways in which God continues to teach me and help me learn and grow. In philosophy last week my Professor put forth the argument of God. It's a simple argument, but I feel like everyone, myself included, felt as if there was something missing to the argument.
Now you should know, that as far as I know, there are very few, if any Christians in that class. So I thought for sure, we were going to be discussing something right up my alley, that this would be my moment where I could hear my professor challenge my God and I could be the hero that stands up and proves his love.
That is not what happened.
The argument goes like this:
God is that than which none greater can be conceived,
It is greater to exist in reality than in theory.Therefore God must exist right?
That was the whole argument, and 10 minutes passed in silence once it was presented, because no one could think of what to say. And even though it was PROVING the existence of God, something seemed so wrong about it.
So I prayed about it and I think I finally worked out what didn't sit right with me.
This argument proves the existence of God. But it doesn't prove what God is, Love. This is an scientific form of God. It makes him seem black and white, yes or no, but he's not. What I heard was basically the same as someone telling me 'You have blonde hair.' or 'Dogs are real animals.' You're explaining something that is so obvious to me, but you aren't telling me anything about it. You told me WHAT God is, but not WHO he is.
Because God is a loving father. He is perfect, he is my Saviour and True Love. He is the Creator of me and this world. He loves, he creates, he builds.
He doesn't just exist. He makes other things exist.
So I leave you with this:1 John 4:7,8
Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.
God isn't just something that is, he is someone who LOVES.
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